Keep On Dancing

I don't want to give up dance, not completely. I don't define myself strictly as a dancer. I don't even define myself as a dancer first and foremost. But it is a part of me. I feel like my whole life it has been a struggle for me to feel like I was good at dance. I was told I did not have the right body for it. I was told I needed to lose weight. I was told I wasn't working hard enough when I was working my ass off.

There was a time in my life when I was in love with dance despite the criticism I was receiving, but as time went on it took a toll on me. And I didn't love it anymore. I did it, hating it because I was still being cut down. Then I discovered musical theater. And I found out I WAS really good at that. I felt confident doing it.

So I decided to pursue dance as a career, I was going to college for it in the entertainment capital of the world, I planned on making it my life. But then, I was discouraged from it again. I wasn't what they wanted. I was told once again I did not have the right body for it. I was told to lose weight. I was told I wasn't good enough and discouraged from pursuing a performance career in dance. After all my friends moved up a level in their classes, I was still in the first level. I felt embarrassed and extremely unconfident. I truly felt like I was a terrible dancer and just needed to give it up. I did not want to return to the program, and felt like I should not pursue dance any further.

But it's still inside me. I have the urge to perform in my blood. I crave the spotlight. I want to be up on a stage in front of an audience. I don't think I've ever had the opportunity to do the kind of dance I really want to do and think I would be good at. But I want to. I really want to explore my options as far as dance goes. I want to find a way to do it. MY WAY. I want it to make me happy again. I don't want dance to be something I "used to do" or something I "was never really good at". The last few weeks it's really been on my mind. And I know it's in my heart.