The Road So Far: Supernatural Saved Me

For me as I've found for many people in the fandom, Supernatural is so much more than a TV show. I never expected to get so emotionally involved in a TV show and I NEVER expected a TV show to change my life.

 The only thing that can compare to my emotional attachment to SPN is my attachment to Elvis, but I always thought of that as a more "legitimate" or "rational" attachment because Elvis was a real person. Truth be told I always thought people who were so emotionally attached to fictional characters were taking things a little to far. But the characters on SPN are different. I can relate to both Sam AND Dean in so many ways. From moving around a lot as a kid, to losing a parent, to feeling like I've (not literally) gone through Hell.

When I "discovered" Supernatural about a year ago (I'd heard about it a little, but not a ton of hype. It appeared to be very underground to me, and I came across it on TNT one morning and decided to watch it.) I was at a very low point in my life. A turn of events happened over the past couple of years, I'd made decisions I regretted and things just weren't going my way. I felt lost and extremely lonely. 

Supernatural became something for me to be excited about, something to look forward to and something to belong to. I believe it was no accident that I happened upon it that Friday morning, I believe I needed it to come into my life at that time in my life. I was depressed, I wasn't to the point of wanting to end my life but I can see that being the road I might have gone down had I not found Supernatural. 

A year later I am in a much better place. I have a much more positive outlook on life and hope for the future. Supernatural might not have solely saved my life, but it definitely brought me back to life. 

The Road So Far: Planning For VegasCon Part 1

So I'm a huge planner. I like to have everything planned out way in advance, especially when it comes to big events. Which for me VegasCon is a REALLY BIG event. So I have a whole notebook dedicated to planning and organizing for VegasCon (I might do a blog post on that actually if it would be helpful to anyone, if anyone actually reads this lol). And I put pictures of the outfits I plan to wear so I thought I'd share them.

First here's my Friday Day outfit:

For the Friday panels I wanted to keep it simple. I chose my custom Ellen's DIY Supernatural t-shirt (not the one pictured, but very similar), leopard leggings and converse. 

And here's my outfit for Friday Night:

For the karaoke party on Friday night I'm wearing a Ruby 2.0 inspired outfit. My favorite was her 'Lucifer Rising' outfit: black t-shirt, leather jacket, jeans and high heeled boots. I also really like the idea of having "demon blood" and her knife on the necklace but I still need to find one or maybe I'll end up making one.

Perhaps the most important outfit of the weekend is my Saturday outfit:

For J2's panel on Saturday AND my Jared photo op <3 I wanted to have a very Sam/Hunter vibe which is why I went with the buffalo plaid shirt, but with my own twist hence the leopard bow. For shoes I'm wearing my motorcycle boots. And for makeup MAC's Ruby Woo lipstick and Kat Von D's tattoo liner.

And finally for Sunday:

This is the one outfit I'm not 100% sure about yet. I don't know if I'm getting a Fallen Angels photo op yet or not and that might affect what I actually end up wearing. My "outline" is inspired by the Impala: black leather jacket, jeans, converse and my "Saving People, Hunting Things" shirt. However I'm torn between that and wearing my Abaddon "The Devil made me do it." shirt with motorcycle boots. If I end up getting the fallen angels op I might want to look more demon-y. I'll have to think about it.

This will probably be the beginning of a series of planning posts, because I'm beginning to stress out about it and it keeps me sane to think that I'll have everything ready ahead if time. :)

The Road So Far: Road Trip

Supernatural returned tonight and as of today it is officially 2 months until VegasCon!!! Tonight's episode was full of ups and downs for me. So I'm going to do things a little differently tonight.

Things I'm happy about: 

1. First and foremost my Sammy is back. Hallelujah. This is really all I need in life, the moment I saw Sam again my heart was filled with joy. And the way he ejected Gadreel. "I SAID GET THE HELL OUT." will go down in Supernatural history. It was amazing. 

2. The fact that Crowley seemed to actually care about Sam and Dean. He wouldn't have agreed to help if he didn't care about them deep down. And he certainly wouldn't have been telling Sam to fight so hard. There was emotion and feeling in that speech. I think Crowley is turning a new leaf. I think he's going to change. I say let him become a hunter with some demon comrades on his side. (And let my bitch Abaddon be queen!) 

3. That Cas stayed with Sam. I've thought Cas cared about Sam all along, but everyone always talks about how Cas only has a relationship with Dean. What he did tonight was proof he cared about Sam. 

Things I'm not happy about: 

1. Obviously Sam and Dean being apart. The image of Dean walking away will haunt me. This is the first time I've had to deal with them being separated and not knowing everything would turn out okay. I can't understand why Dean thinks it's best to leave Sam. It also REALLY concerned me what Sam said about Dean not being the problem. What does that mean? This will hurt until it's fixed. I need my boys together. Plain and simple.

2. That both Sam and Dean blame themselves for Kevin's death. I was so afraid of Sam's reaction to what happened but now I'm feeling pain for both of them. 

3. That Sam said he was "willing to die." The fact that he doesn't want to keep going. That still hurts so much. That he still has those feelings from the first episode. Sam has been through so much, lost so much. But he keeps going. I can relate to Sam in so many ways and he is my inspiration. I need him to keep fighting. I need him to get to a point in his life where he's happy. And I need Dean to be a part of that too. 

I'm in tears as I write this. I can't express the emotions I feel for these characters. They've given me something to hold on to, something to have hope for. I love them so much and I just want them to be happy. I want them to finally get to a place where they are bonded for good. I want them to realize they can't be apart. And I'm hoping that's what we accomplish this season. The good news is Hellatus is over and I only have to wait a week to find out what happens next. AND. 2. MONTHS. UNTIL. VEGASCON. 

The Road So Far: Hellatus

Tuesday night was the Supernatural mid-season finale and the began my first official Hellatus. I dealt with some of it with Season 8, because I watched the last few episodes live but I still had some to catch up on to keep me going. I honestly don't know how I'm going to handle having to wait until January for the next episode.


I don't even know where to begin. I'm in denial about what happened. I can't believe Kevin is dead. I had my suspicions all along about Ezekiel/Gadriel, but I was not prepared for what happened when it came time for Dean to tell "Sam" the truth. I was crying for Sam and I was crying for Dean. I thought for a second Sam could eject Gadriel and things would be okay (at least in SPN world). And then Gadreel said the line that hurt me so much I can't even type it. And Dean was left all alone with Kevin dead, crying. The one silver lining out of this episode was that Cas got his grace back. And I HOPE this is a good thing. I hate Metatron and therefore Heaven right now. At this point I'm asking myself why Sam even had to do the trials to shut down Hell in the first place. I'd take Hell over Heaven any day when it comes to Supernatural.


I cried during the episode, but mostly I think I was in shock. I was shaking. I felt sick to my stomach. I've never felt this emotionally attached to a show in my life. I care about these characters as if they were real. And it hurt, bad.


I need Sam Winchester. He is my inspiration, my light at the end of the tunnel. I don't know how I will deal with the anticipation and the aftermath. At least I know the rest of the fandom will suffering with me and we can comfort each other. Also when Supernatural returns it will be exactly two months until VegasCon...crazy.

Halloween

I know I'm a little late on this (Halloween was almost a week ago, oops!) but I wanted to share my Halloween costume. I decided to be Abaddon from Supernatural. I had so much fun being her for the night and I was pretty proud of it.



Here is the fabulous Alaina Huffman portraying Abaddon, and my inspiration.

 

 And my version. I was super proud of my hair, I wish I'd gotten a better picture of it. I set it with pin curls using a curling iron. Then I did a front swirl and a French twist with curls on top. My makeup was just my typical pin-up makeup with a zombie twist. I hollowed out my eyes with a brown eye shadow and smeared my lipstick. Then I added temporary tattoo stitches to my neck with fake blood and scabs.

 

 

 

As for my outfit I wore my own motorcycle jacket, and Abaddon's actual "The Devil Made Me Do It" t-shirt from Spreadshirt.com. I paired it with black shorts and fishnets and studded motorcycle boots.

 

This was my favorite Halloween costume so far, but I'm already planning for next year! ;)

 

The Road So Far: Season 9 Premiere

This was the first season premiere I watched live. I was nervous, anxious, and excited all at the same time. When Season 8 ended we knew things were not good, and the image of Sam lying in that hospital bed from the promo was haunting me. I knew it was going to be an intense episode, but I didn't know how intense. Within the first five minutes I am already in tears at Dean praying for Sam. I was very upset by the scenes inside Sam's head. I was rooting for the "Dean" part which was telling him to fight, and telling the "Bobby" part which was telling him to give up to stop. I was literally screaming at my TV.

Then Ezekiel came into the picture. At first I was grateful for him. I thought "okay, he can make it better." Meanwhile back in Sam's head Sam is saying he wants to die. He tells Death that if he dies he wants him to promise that it will be final. This is heartbreaking. Once again I am in tears and screaming at my TV "No Sam!". But I knew Dean wouldn't let that happen. Dean will always do whatever it takes to save Sam.

Ezekiel says he can save Sam from the inside out, meaning he will possess Sam. Again I'm screaming "no", because I didn't know what this would mean. Would Sam be gone forever? Would Sam be Ezekiel now? I didn't like that, I didn't want that. Then Ezekiel explained he would only stay until Sam was healed.

Then back in Sam's head Dean gave the "There ain't no me if there ain't no you." speech, which I truly do believe was Dean and then Ezekiel jumped in. Of course, Sam said "yes" to Ezekiel and he was out of the hospital, but as Ezekiel. I thought this was going to be like Souless Sam, that we would have Ezekiel for a while until Sam woke up. But then Sam woke up in the Impala. He didn't remember the hospital, he didn't remember the stuff inside his head, he didn't remember Ezekiel taking over.

I felt better knowing it would be Sam atleast part of the time. I still don't know how I feel about switching back and forth between Sam and Ezekiel, but the bottom line is I want Sam to get better. And if this is the way it has to happen, then I'm going to have to get on board.

For me this was definitely the most intense premiere ever. It really affected me. I know the road ahead of us is going to be rough. But I put myself through hell because I love these boys. And I'll stick with them until the end.

The Road So Far: My Introduction To Supernatural

On Friday March 29, 2013 I watched Supernatural for the first time in my life. I had always loved Halloween, horror movies, and paranormal stuff, so I wasn't quite sure why I had never watched it. But I kept seeing promos for it on TNT and I thought "I should watch it." I kept seeing people post about it on Instagram and Pinterest and I thought "I should watch it." Then one day I started looking at pictures of Jared Padalecki and I thought "I SHOULD WATCH IT!". Then one morning I woke up and saw that it was on. I said "I'm watching it."

I'll never forget the first episode I watched. It was Hell House, the 17th episode of Season 1. Within five minutes I was into it. It had such a creepy feel and I loved the dynamic between Sam and Dean. The prank war between them was the perfect introduction for me. When Sam turned the music up in the Impala and pointed to himself "what? me?" I was like "he's cute". And then when he super glued the beer bottle to Dean's hand I decided they were adorable. They were cute, they hunted ghosts, and they had a hot car, I was hooked. I watched three episodes that day and had pretty much fallen in love.

I told my mom that I fond this great show that I loved and she said "oh good, I'm glad." The next Monday I got up to watch it and my mom was home. She watched casually with me at first, but at the end of the Season 1 finale "Devil's Trap" I could tell she was a little more invested saying "Well now they're all dead on the side of the road!" We continued watching into the week. I gravitated more towards Sam while she gravitated more towards Dean. By mid season 2 I had become emotionally invested in these characters. I realized it was more than just a scary show. I came for the scary, but stayed for the brothers. Soon I was buying DVDs and trying to get caught up to Season 8 on Netflix. I was following cast and crew members on Twitter and countless Supernatural blogs on Tumblr.

Supernatural had become a part of my life. Within two months I'd made it through Season 4. Around the same time I discovered Supernatural conventions. I was amazed that there were whole weekends dedicated to the show where you could see and actually meet the stars. I was curious if there was a con in Las Vegas so I looked it up and there was. Actually, we had just missed it before we started watching the show. But, one for next year was already scheduled. I immediately wanted to go. I told my mom about it, and to my surprise she was actually considering going! My mom has always been very practical and somewhat of a home body in the past, but recently she has been stepping out of her comfort zone. We kept talking about it, and eventually decided we were going. At that point it was 8 months away, but I was still so excited. Before we even bought our tickets to the convention we bought photo ops with Jared and Jensen. When we were ordering my photo op with Jared my heart was beating out of my chest. I couldn't believe that I was going to see Jared Padalecki in person, let alone stand beside him, and touch him. Then we ordered our convention tickets and it was official: we were going to VegasCon!

Now we are caught up on all past seasons, we survived our first season finale and are awaiting the Season 9 premiere. VegasCon is five months away and we are counting down the days. We're driving down crazy street and enjoying the ride.