Tuesday night was the Supernatural mid-season finale and the began my first official Hellatus. I dealt with some of it with Season 8, because I watched the last few episodes live but I still had some to catch up on to keep me going. I honestly don't know how I'm going to handle having to wait until January for the next episode.
I don't even know where to begin. I'm in denial about what happened. I can't believe Kevin is dead. I had my suspicions all along about Ezekiel/Gadriel, but I was not prepared for what happened when it came time for Dean to tell "Sam" the truth. I was crying for Sam and I was crying for Dean. I thought for a second Sam could eject Gadriel and things would be okay (at least in SPN world). And then Gadreel said the line that hurt me so much I can't even type it. And Dean was left all alone with Kevin dead, crying. The one silver lining out of this episode was that Cas got his grace back. And I HOPE this is a good thing. I hate Metatron and therefore Heaven right now. At this point I'm asking myself why Sam even had to do the trials to shut down Hell in the first place. I'd take Hell over Heaven any day when it comes to Supernatural.
I cried during the episode, but mostly I think I was in shock. I was shaking. I felt sick to my stomach. I've never felt this emotionally attached to a show in my life. I care about these characters as if they were real. And it hurt, bad.
I need Sam Winchester. He is my inspiration, my light at the end of the tunnel. I don't know how I will deal with the anticipation and the aftermath. At least I know the rest of the fandom will suffering with me and we can comfort each other. Also when Supernatural returns it will be exactly two months until VegasCon...crazy.
